Now i'm not sure anymore; i use to think there was no one that fits better;

Recently i been thinking alot about us... I have tried to flunk it a side countless time but it aways seems to come back to my mind.

I ask myself, is it just me or is it really happening? Am i the one to be blame or not? then i told myself, maybe i wasn't working hard enough... so i tried... but nth seems to improve so i though to myself, maybe i haven work hard long enough...

and now i'm confused, worry and depress...

there's just so many what if and maybe that i fear the most... what should i do then?...

Be prepare for the worst case senario.

xoxo, Ferlyn Funayama Ng

And so,

the greatest motivation is not from others but yourself.

These few day, a lot had been going on...

i know i'm not a reliable person... not yet. I still have many things to improve on. Countless times i have been asking myself when will i grow up? When will my thinking mature? When will i start to seems reliable? I dont wanna be just a girl anymore. A part of me keep screaming out to myself to grown up!

Where's the responsibility i sould have? DAMN IT....

i know i always like to say, no point sulking and complaining, if i have time to complain, why not use the time to do something else?

And i know i keep saying i want to improve, i wanna be better...

And so... i've experience what is easier said than done...

Please let me wake up soon. And reach the acceptable conditions. Let people acknowledge me. Believe in my capabilities and support me. Even if i've done my best but fail, they would be able to see it instead of saying "you haven done anything at all."

I hope poeple whose my age or so could one day, understand these feelings too and work hard together with me.

We may have some trouble communicating recently honey. Sometime i got so depress that i felt like our future seems further and further away.

I always seem like blaming you but truth is, it's just me. I told you countless times i HATE to keep changing plans. Today i rejected meeting you... It's not just you that's sad about not meeting, i am too. But it's just because i just cant hold down my temper yet, that's why i didn't want to meet you with such a bad mood. And while sitting alone in the bus, i thought to myself, what went wrong. And i got it. You never stop trying to keep searching for a better ideal or improvement. And you tend to get worried last min so that's why you tend to keep changing plan last min, so i was thinking, if only i could remind you earlier to check for the best ideal, things wouldn't keep changing. And i always throws you alone to do the planning, that's why it's always so mess up. So i decided... i should help you out more. I know there's alot of fixing to be donw, i'm not sure if i can do it all at once but i am going to try. I don't wanna idile around for so long any more. I should really push myself more.... i

i guess i have to read this post everyday to remind myself from now on...

Good night honey!

PURRR~~~ <3

The World Starts Spinning;

When You Kiss Me

honey~

our 2nd year anniversary is coming~

i dont need to go to anywhere far, i dont need to go anywhere expensive. All i could wish for is stay by your side and just enjoy our day. Seeing you happily laughing and smiling is all that i want. Because your happiness is also mine. If only i could be alittle more special for you. I hope you'll feel that you're the luckiest man on earth...

The day when you fell down emotionally, it is then that i realized, i cant be happy at all if you're not. I'll face eveything with you honey. I dun want to only share your smile. I wanna share your tears and sorrow too. Let me be the woman who stays by your side no matter for good or for bad...

I hope we can think of each other this way for as long as we can. Cause its like when we really start to think for each other. <3

it's really surprising how one can lose its appitite just from missing someone else.

i love you this much honey. I worry about you when i don't see you. I think of you when you're not by my side. I wonder everyday how is it for you without me. I hope everyday you're spending it happily with or without me. It's really amazing how one can love another this much. Recently i've been thinking, "As long as you're happy, whatever makes you happy and makes you smile, makes mine too." I enjoy watching you and seeing you smile more than anything honey.

Today we were playing DragonNest. When you start getting busy and chatting with ur friend, i tried to get mad at u not replying me. But in the end, i just cant. Cause somehow i felt happy when you seems like enjoying your talk with them. That why i said i lazy to play already. Cause i know i'm not needed for now and i got bored so i ended the game.

I'm hope you're feeling better honey. Negative thinking just doesn't suit you. Please bring your smile back!

i never ever had the thought that we're ever be apart;

Now i don't know anymore.

The moment you broke down, my world turned black and white, the music stops and rain start pouring down. I asked myself, what can i do for you? Then again, i'm just a helpless weak hearted girl. You've save me countless time before. You were like a god to me. Like a sun giving me warmth. I need not do anything but you'll always be there for me.Now when you finally showed me your human side. I thought to myself, what can i do to bring you back to heaven? Then i looked at myself in the mirror, i am just a huaman after all.

i've always been running away from thing i can't slove. No matter how much i love it, i'll still run away without trying hard enough. That's what i am best at. I've asked myself, " Am i gonna run away again this time? Or am i gonna try my best atlest just for once for the one i love the most?". I can't seems to get the ans i want.

i'm scared. I'm unprepared. Sometimes, i even think to myself, maybe i should let go first before it really start to crumble. But then again, how could i even bare?

Is this the end? After all that we've been through? So all good things does comes to an end. Nothing last forever after all?

we took lots of picture today right honey? everyday spent with you always seems so happy. i guess i have to write this sentance a million times and it will still not be enough to express my happiness.

Picture speak a thousand words, that's why we got oursleves a camera. i want every moments spent with you to be remembered in every single piece of photo.

i love you.

i love you.

i love you for who you are.

i love you for who you are in my eyes.

even if the world tell rejects you... i will love you as long as you are who i see you are.

and who i see you are is what i see in my own eyes... so i will only believes in my eyes.

my eyes... is my heart.

can you hear my heart calling, craving, needing, only you?

i wish i could tell you iloveyou everyday. Cause that is the word people usually forget to mention over time. But i want to let you know that, even if we can't meet everyday, even if you're so far away, i've never stopped loving you. Everynight before i sleep, when i close my eyes, i would always whisper "iloveyou" even if you're not by my side to hear it, i know you'll be able to feel it.

Walk with me;

Even if the whole world ends.

I'm walking down life slowly in syn with you and a pace of our own. It feel so soothing so save.

I always reminds myself, what would be of me if it wasn't for you.

You are like the light that shines through the darkness. Always there, always guiding me no matter the situaction.

There's no way i will walk away from you. Unless you stops shinning at me.

Your birthday just passed honey!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY~! watashi DAI DAI DAISUKI DESU!  SARANGHAEYO! 我爱你! ILOVEYOU! <3

i hope we'll always be together, always stay strong, always be happy and healthy.

i can't wait to experience more of life with you, in our own pace.

i usually blog more when i'm sad or confused. Now a day i blog lesser cause my life have been so peaceful and always, the same happiness surrounds me. So i don't feel the need to blog anymore. Cause this kind of happiness, only i myself can understand it. And of cause you would feel and understand it right honey? <3

Good night honey. =3

P.S: i know i look fat in this photo. but i am not okay! =X

Hold me close, don't let go.

Lead me through and fly with me.

How do you explain living life to the fullest? How do you know you're enjoying life? Are you happy with the way it is now?

I'm not sure about my answers. I'm happy with my life now. I can't say i'm enjoying it. But atleast it's peaceful every day as though god's blessing was always with me. It's neither boring nor entertaining. Therefore it's scary too. It gives me the urge to go out and have fun but at the same time it stops me becuase i dont wanna spoil the peacefulness. Where's the answers i'm looking for?

Sometime i really dunno what is actually borthering me about my life. But i know for sure that i love you honey.

P.S: i want my hair to mirically become long soon! xD

Today the pakage reached!

Didn't know it would be so fast.

EMS shippment is really fast! took 3days to come my house from japan. COOL!

Thanks my sis for ordering it for me and sharing the cost! (: